Purim pandemonium!

By the time this goes to print I will have escaped to Brooklyn for the holiday! I guess I’ve become a Purim party pooper since I’ve dropped out of the mishloach manot rat race. Each year I prepare fewer packages, and I’m happy to say I’m down to just three now, only two more than the minimum required. Instead of making lots of Purim bags, we’ve upped our Purim tzedaka and I feel liberated!

So why do I feel the cowardly need to run away? Because I know that my doorbell will be ringing with generous, well meaning folk dropping off Purim treats, and I will feel the need to reciprocate even though they’re already on my shul sisterhood’s Purim basket list or have received a donation card from us. I have found over the years that people double or triple dip in the Purim giving spirit. They pay to add your name to their school and/or shul list, and also decide to drop off a package. It seems totally over the top to me, and increasing with no end in sight.

I really don’t want to be the neighborhood Purim Grinch, but what about this tradition of handing out shiny dollar coins to the little messengers delivering the packages? The wonderfully dressed up kids naturally expect a reciprocated bag or a buck. And since I have radically cut down my packaging to single digits, I have no extras to give out, so I’m scrambling for dollar bills when the bell goes ding dong. I certainly don’t want to disappoint any cute kids!

Like much in our society today, this Purim thing has spun way out of control. Traffic jams are caused by cars filled with kids dropping off packages to each of their 25 classmates. The harried parents are crazily circling the Five Towns, making multiple stops and blocking side streets, with kids running out of cars heedless of the consequences. I know this for a fact because I’ve done it for about 18 years. Although I’ll miss many things next year when my youngest leaves home, this activity will not be one of them. In fact this year should be a breeze, since this evil mom has also limited her daughter’s package making numbers.

As Judy Joszef recalled in her Purim Seudah column last week, things were simpler in our day. We delivered mishloach manot to friends and neighbors by foot. No chauffeuring duties were guiltily assumed by parents, and holiday stress was lessened. Purim treats were more basic, a fruit and a pastry and a couple of candies would do the trick. The emphasis was on dressing up in a costume, going to shul to hear the Megilla reading, hanging out with friends on the day off from school and eating sugary treats.

Although I have bought my share of pre-made costumes for Purim dress-up, I still prefer the home made variety. I loved when my kids would come up with their own crazy creations. One year my middle son was a wizard, using his blue bathrobe, sticking on stars, on his own wand and hat, to complete the look. My oldest son was once a playing card and enlisted his artistic aunt to help him achieve his vision.

I have lots of respect and even a bit of envy for my baking friends who really love this holiday and put their great skills to use with their children. Involving the kids in making delicious hamantaschen from scratch, inserting traditional and inventive fillings, and sampling the yummy dough, makes fun family memories. I’ve never delved into this flying-flour activity in my own kitchen, preferring to buy assorted hamantaschen from my favorite bakery (old-fashioned poppy seed is hands down my best, with untraditional chocolate or Nutella a close second).

For a few years I bought into the escalating Purim basket madness. I spent way too much time thinking up a theme, writing an appropriate poem and finding unique treats to put in our bags. Nobody else in my house cared much for this venture besides me. I will continue to appreciate and relish the sumptuous efforts that my creative friends put into the holiday, but for now I’m abstaining.

Besides consuming precious time, it was financially draining. Instead I’d rather put those dollars towards cards from Tomchei Shabbos, Kulanu, I-Shine, Cahal, Amit, Emunah or other worthy institutions. Tomchei Shabbos is our family’s personal favorite because we feel it directly addresses the point of the mitzvah of Matanot L’evyonim, helping to feed those who can’t afford it.

It’s fun eating our way through the Purim bags and getting sugar highs, but I’m not great at self-control. A while ago I implemented the plan of letting each family member fill a bag with their favorite treats. I gather the rest into a nice basket and send it off with my husband to work. That gets the stuff out of my house and his coworkers enjoy the sweet benefits of Purim.

So even if nobody answers our doorbell, feel free to leave us your treats, they will surely be savored!

Miriam Bradman Abrahams is Cuban born, Brooklyn bred and lives in Woodmere. She organizes author events for Hadassah, reviews books for Jewish Book World and is very slowly writing her father’s immigration story. She is teaching yoga at Peaceful Presence Yoga Studio. mabraha1@optonline.net